Ask The Pea! BUDGETS, HUMOR, CHILDREN (in the Philippines)

Pea answers three viewer questions in a mailbag-style episode covering whether to tell a Filipina you don't want children, how much money you need to live in the Philippines, and why Filipinas don't understand sarcasm. She closes with a darkly funny "bonus question" from a man who's been catastrophically scammed and somehow still doesn't see it.

• Question 1 — from Peter M: "I met a Filipina online who wants children, but I don't. How do I handle it?"

  • Pea says this is a touchy subject couples often ignore or procrastinate about early on so they don't spoil the bonding phase — but it needs to be discussed at the beginning to avoid big problems
  • In the Philippines, having children is not an open question like it is in the West — it's an imperative, especially for provincial girls
    • They expect it, their families expect it, the church wants it (for making more Catholics)
    • Sometimes it's subconsciously about having someone to care for them in old age after the foreign partner is gone
    • Having a mixed-blood baby ("mestizo") with a foreigner is a status symbol that's highly prized
  • "Telling her you'll marry her but won't have kids is like giving her a Ferrari and refusing to give her the keys"
  • Pea took an informal survey among friends and family: most Filipinas will not pursue a relationship with a man who doesn't include kids in his future plans
  • This is a particularly serious problem where large age gaps exist
  • The games both sides play:
    • Men will stall, delay, or give vague "we'll see" answers to buy time, knowing they don't want kids
    • Pea cites Ed and Rose from 90 Day Fiancé — Ed knew Rose wanted children, they discussed it, but Ed hid that he was planning a vasectomy and let the relationship progress through "I love you's," marriage discussions, and an overseas visit before finally confessing; they broke up
    • Filipinas play games too — a Filipina may say she's okay with no kids but privately think "if he really loves me, I can change his mind after I snag him"
    • Pea says both approaches are equally dishonest
  • Pea's advice: discuss it right off the bat; if you have differences that will eventually torpedo the relationship, deal with them now instead of waiting until you're both hopelessly in love; if it's a deal-breaker for her, she has a right to know

• Question 2 — from Sam: "Can I live a good life in the Philippines on $1,300/month?"

  • Pea says it's a loaded question because "a good life" depends on where you live and what lifestyle you consider acceptable — same as asking how much it costs to live well in the US
  • Range of opinions from expats:
    • Some say they can make it on $500/month but that's very basic with no room for error
    • Many experts say the magic number is $1,200–$1,500/month
    • Others insist you need at least $2,000/month to live well
  • Variables that make a huge difference: studio apartment vs. three-bedroom townhouse, AC usage, car ownership, dietary needs (street food tolerance vs. special diet), travel habits, supporting just yourself vs. a Filipina plus her kids and family
  • What's cheap in the Philippines:
    • Rent: very small apartment ~$250/month in most towns outside big cities; even a huge five-bedroom palace with pool can be $1,000–$2,000/month
    • Professional services: tooth filling ~$12, basic doctor's visit ~$10, top attorney consultation $10–$20/hour
    • Water: monthly bill usually under $10
  • What's expensive or problematic:
    • Electricity: easily over $100/month if you run AC
    • Electronics: up to double US prices
    • Appliances: a clothes dryer might be $400 in the US but $700–$1,000 in the Philippines, if you can even find one that's not a "plastic toy-sized piece of junk that breaks within a month"
    • Very few Filipinos use washers and dryers — even wealthy people have laundry done by hand
    • Vacuum cleaners are so uncommon that a sales lady in a small town will show you a broom and give you a blank look; Pea warns "don't make sucking sounds and hand gestures in the shape of a hose because you're just gonna get slapped"
    • Microwaves exist in stores but are luxury items; there is no microwavable food available — "all you bachelors who survive on Lean Cuisine and Hot Pockets are gonna have to find a different way to feed yourselves"
    • Pea saw one microwave meal at a western food store in Cebu — tiny chicken and noodles portion, flattened box with torn corners, "looked like it crossed the ocean underneath a pallet of bricks," and cost $6
    • Steak: "say goodbye unless you enjoy thin sad-looking cuts of something they'll assure you is beef at a ridiculously high price"
    • Groceries overall are about the same cost as in the West; eating the same food you had back home will cost more
  • Pea's budget formula: take your total budget back home, subtract rent/mortgage, take 60% of what's left, then add back a reasonable Filipino rent — that gives a rough idea of what a similar lifestyle would cost
  • Bottom line: you can get by on much less but it won't be the way you're living now, and many things you're used to simply don't exist in the Philippines at any price

• Question 3 — from Jimmy J: "Why does my Filipina girlfriend never know when I'm joking? Are all Filipinos so serious?"

  • Filipinos do laugh, but what makes them laugh is very different from Western humor
  • Filipino humor preferences: visual comedy, slapstick, people falling out of chairs or getting hit in the nuts
  • Filipinos don't pull elaborate pranks and their jokes tend to be simpler without complicated buildup
  • If you say something a Filipina doesn't understand or find funny, she'll smile and laugh along just to be polite
  • The biggest gap: sarcasm — "Filipinos just don't get sarcasm"
  • They assume you mean everything you say literally
  • Pea's example: if you jokingly tell your housekeeper you'll feed her to the pigs the next time she cooks stinky dried fish inside the house — even while smiling — "expect her to spend a few sleepless nights contemplating her gruesome demise"

• Bonus Question — from Dizzy Dean: a catastrophic scam scenario played for dark comedy

  • Dizzy Dean has been chatting with a Filipina for two years, bought her a condo, and sends $200/week to support her and her children
  • When he finally visited her in Mactan, he discovered her ex-husband had moved into the condo and she'd been living with him the entire time
  • She said she was sorry, kicked the ex out, and Dizzy Dean forgave her
  • Now back in Canada, he found out she's pregnant — and it can't possibly be his
  • She's also still legally married and asking for $10,000 for an annulment
  • He says he "really loves this girl" and asks what he should do
  • Pea's response: "Watch all my old videos, punch yourself in the face for me, then run away from that woman as fast as you can"

What's Covered ​

📺 Watch the full video on YouTube

🔔 Subscribe to The Filipina Pea