Pea delivers a comedy-style rundown of the ten most bewildering and frustrating differences foreigners will encounter when dining at restaurants in the Philippines. The video plays each quirk for laughs while giving genuinely useful warnings about what to expect, from missing menu items to vanishing waitstaff to the mysterious absence of ice.
Out of Order — menus full of food that doesn't exist
- Whatever you choose from the menu, there's a good chance you'll be told it's "not available"
- Ask why and you'll hear "we just ran out"; ask why they don't get more and you'll learn only the manager can authorize purchases and he won't be back for a week
- You may be told with a straight face that the pizzeria is out of tomato sauce
The Condiment Conundrum — bare tables
- Your table surface will be "empty as a bottle of Red Horse at dawn"
- No salt, pepper, or ketchup waiting for you — if you're lucky there's hot sauce or soy sauce
- To get extras like sugar for your coffee, you have to hunt down your waitress and wait while she searches for it
The Paper Caper — napkin rationing
- Paper napkins become "as rare and coveted as if made of gold" once you enter a restaurant
- They serve plenty of greasy fried chicken but give you one tiny, thin square of paper
- Getting more napkins requires flagging down your waitress, and she'll bring you one more
Missing the Point — no knives
- Filipinos "need a knife like a fish needs a bicycle"
- The standard silverware is fork and spoon only — no knife anywhere
- Pea jokes they probably keep knives away from you after you find out your schnitzel isn't available
No Order to Your Order — courses arrive randomly
- Food comes out to the table 15 minutes apart in no particular order
- Your wife might get her pork adobo while you wait another half hour for your fried chicken intestines
- "Apparently Filipinos believe that social distancing applies to your food orders"
The Sweet Cheat — dessert arrives before dinner
- Your blueberry cheesecake may arrive before your appetizers
- Pea's silver lining: don't worry about it ruining your appetite — you'll be hungry again during the 30-minute wait for the next course
The Hot Spot — inconsistent food temperatures
- Outside of chicken hot, inside cold; outside of sausage fine, but the inside "peels the skin right off the roof of your mouth"
- If you complain, don't expect an apology — expect the silent treatment while your food takes a round trip to the microwave
The Disappearing Act — absent waitstaff
- Unlike western restaurants where the waitress magically appears every few minutes, yours will be standing in the far corner texting her boyfriend
- She'll eye you "with indifference" while you wave multiple times
- No pitcher of water at your table — "why do in one trip what you can do in two"
Ice No Dice — warm drinks with phantom ice
- Order ice water and you'll get lukewarm water with "a few slivers of what used to be ice bobbing pathetically on the surface"
- Pea's hack: order a glass of water and a separate glass of ice, then combine them yourself after they're served
The Drive-Through Debacle — fast food that isn't fast
- Drive-through lines take just as long as sitting inside the restaurant
- Whatever drink you order, they'll be out of it — want iced tea, they only have Coke; want Coke, the soda machine has been broken for four weeks
- "87.3 percent chance" at least one item in your bag will be wrong
- You won't discover the mistake until you get home because every container inside is intricately tied up and taped up for no apparent reason
The video ends with a comedy skit where Pea tries to order at a restaurant
- Every item she tries to order is "not available"
- She's told the cheeseburger is available — but they're out of cheese
- When she points out that makes it a hamburger, she's told "hamburger — sorry, not available"
- She offers to go buy the ingredients herself, cook the food, bring it back and let them serve it to her
- The waitress asks her to leave a tip; Pea's tip: "If you want to call yourself a restaurant, how about buying some food first"