The 10 FILIPINA COMMANDMENTS | The Key To A Heavenly Relationship (Comedy)

Pea presents a comedic but genuinely informative set of "10 Filipina Commandments" — the unwritten rules foreign men must follow to maintain a happy relationship with a Filipina partner. Each commandment is played for laughs but rooted in real cultural behavior, and she closes by boiling all ten down to just two principles using George Carlin's logic.

What's Covered ​

• Commandment 1: Thou shalt have no other Filipina before me

  • Any woman wants to feel like the center of your life, but a Filipina demands clear and obvious proof every minute of every day that she's the only one
  • 99% of your attention won't cut it — it has to be 100%
  • You'll need to dig deep into your bag of compliments and soothing reassurances constantly

• Commandment 2: Thou shalt not keep graven images on thy iPhone, laptop, or other devices

  • Foreigners think their phone is private, sacred personal space — to a Filipina, it's "temporarily unconquered territory"
  • Like Attila the Hun, she's determined to annex it and put it under her control
  • Even a video of Jessica Alba doing yoga will be treated as evidence of infidelity, no matter how you explain it
  • Your phone password is "the Holy Grail" and obtaining it is the unspoken mission of any self-respecting Filipina
  • Pea's joke: "You may think she's just trying to cuddle and hold hands at night, but you might want to check and make sure your thumb isn't being pressed against your phone to unlock it while you're sleeping"

• Commandment 3: Honor my father and my mother

  • She probably won't worry much about your relationship with your own parents
  • But when it comes to her family, you need to become part of her clan and fit their expectations — which will likely include financial support
  • The big thing is making the effort to get to know them: visit their house, do things with them, find common ground
  • Critical caveat: "Just don't live too close to them. Trust me."

• Commandment 4: Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor — leave that to her

  • Gossip ("tsismis") is the national pastime of the Philippines
  • Your Filipina will be hip-deep in it every time she gets together with friends, family, neighbors, or classmates
  • Works like Chinese Whispers: if you're seen smiling at the bank teller, by the time you get home your Filipina will have heard about your "torrid affair in the bank vault, cavorting around on stacks of pesos"
  • Double standard: if a foreigner spreads rumors he's seen as an angry, vindictive outsider — when a Filipina does it, "it's just Tuesday"

• Commandment 5: Thou shalt not commit adultery — because if you do, I can kill you

  • Pea states there's a law in the Philippines that prohibits convicting a person who catches their spouse in an act of infidelity and, in the heat of passion, kills them
  • Her delivery: "One minute you're having the time of your life and the next minute your life has no time left"
  • Adultery is treated as a dead-serious offense — "not something you want to mess around with, not when you're married to a Filipina"

• Commandment 6: Remember the Sabbath and let me keep it holy

  • Filipinas know many foreigners worship differently or not at all, and that's okay — as long as you don't try to change what they believe
  • No griping when she slides out of bed at 3 AM to prepare for Christmas mass
  • The irony: her religious adherence doesn't seem to include the fact that you two are living together without being married — "that's just how it works here"

• Commandment 7: Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's Filipina

  • Any attractive woman in your orbit must be kept at arm's length — including women your wife invited to events
  • Don't smile too much, put away the charm, and absolutely no hugs for anyone but your partner
  • You might get a pass if it's an elderly nanay, "but don't count on it"

• Commandment 8: Thou shalt not lie — but she might

  • Every word you say is expected to be 100% truth with no exceptions
  • Example: tell your partner you're going to the dentist, but also swing by a pub to play chess with an 80-year-old expat friend in a smoke-filled back room with a "no girls allowed" sign — when she finds out, you're toast; "tampo does not even adequately describe the torment"
  • Meanwhile, you're expected to look the other way with her little inconsistencies — like the 1,000 pesos she "needed for groceries" that somehow ended up as new shoes on her feet
  • The only acceptable response from you: "Nice shoes, honey"
  • Is it fair? No. Is it one of the commandments? Oh yes.

• Commandment 9: Thou shalt not tease

  • Westerners use teasing to feel closer or as a gentle way to criticize, but Filipinas usually can't tell which is which
  • Filipinas actually call teasing "bullying," which has a totally different meaning to Westerners
  • Example: laughing about how she mispronounces a word won't teach her the correct pronunciation — she'll just feel self-conscious and stop using the word altogether
  • Example: taking her to an expensive restaurant where she only orders rice, then teasing her about her lack of culinary curiosity — it won't encourage her to try new foods, it'll just make her feel inadequate and insecure
  • "An insecure Filipina is not a happy Filipina — the choice is yours"

• Commandment 10: Thou shalt not give thy resources to another Filipino

  • People will ask you for money — it's a given — but all charitable contributions must go through your Filipina
  • If her sister contacts you directly for a back-channel loan, you're "flirting with more than disaster" — when it's exposed, the huge problem won't be for the sister, it'll be for you
  • The only person you ever give money to is your Filipina or her "authorized representatives"
  • Analogy: a Filipina will guard your resources like Smaug the dragon sitting on a pile of gold, and any attempt to take even one golden coin will be answered with a blast of fire breath

• The George Carlin reduction — boiling 10 down to 2

  • Commandment 6 (religion) doesn't directly relate to the relationship — toss it
  • Commandments 4 and 8 (false witness and lying) are both about honesty — combine them
  • Commandments 9 and 3 (teasing and honoring parents) are both about being considerate — combine them
  • Commandments 1, 2, 5, 7, and 10 (other Filipinas, phone images, adultery, coveting, giving money away) are all about fidelity — combine them
  • Honesty and fidelity can also be combined, leaving just two commandments:
    • "Thou shalt always be honest and faithful to the provider of thy nookie"
    • "Don't be a douche"
  • Her conclusion: "We Filipinos are actually quite reasonable and easy to get along with — as long as you play by the rules"

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