📅 2022-05-27 | ⏱️ 39:56 | 👁️ 40.7K views | 👍 2.9K likes | 💬 641 comments
Pea interviews Steve and Diana Oldfield, a British-Filipina couple celebrating their 8th wedding anniversary, who built their relationship on radical honesty about their messy pasts. Diana was a former "play girl" with an American fiancé and a German boyfriend on the side simultaneously; Steve cheated on his Finnish wife while working in Manila. Their story becomes a case study in how full disclosure early on can inoculate a relationship against later sabotage — and how a well-traveled, career-driven Filipina can defy every stereotype about foreign-Filipino relationships.
How they met (not a dating site)
- Steve was working in Manila for United Utilities via Essentia, put up in a six-star hotel with a driver
- He was married to a Finnish woman at the time; Diana had an American fiancé
- They had mutual friends and got to know each other casually — "not love at first sight, not hatred"
- Steve lasted "two trips behaving himself, then the wheels came off" — he met someone else first
- On his second trip back (to see yet another woman), Diana came to the Peninsula Hotel lobby to bring him a SIM card — they turned it into "sort of a date"
- Steve's first impression of Diana walking through the lobby: "She looked more like she wanted to punch me than kiss me — she had such an aggressive, manly walk"
- Diana's version: "I was actually walking towards him to slap the SIM card on his face"
The age gap and the lie
- 21-year age gap
- Steve lied about his age initially — told Diana he was 42 when he was actually 47
- Diana found out from seeing his driving license on their third formal date: "You said you were 42 — you're bloody 47!"
- Steve's defense: "I always think it's good to get off on the right step — honesty and trust, right?"
"The Walk of Shame" — foundation of their relationship
- Because Diana wasn't meeting Steve with romantic intentions, she was completely open with him — confided about her American fiancé and the German boyfriend she had on the side simultaneously
- Steve reciprocated: admitted he was the one who cheated on his ex-wife
- Neither judged the other: "He didn't say anything bad to me"
- Diana: "That was the foundation of our relationship — the Walk of Shame. We opened up, we didn't judge each other"
Steve's disastrous Cebu dating site date
- After getting Diana's SIM card, Steve flew to Cebu to meet a woman from Filipino Cupid
- It was an "absolute disaster" from the first moment
- The woman brought her entire family to the first meeting — two pastors, uncles, everyone
- He was driven to the provinces to meet the grandma on day one: "I was being married off on my first day"
- She requested VIP tickets to Les Misérables and American Idol in Manila — within the first 24 hours
- Diana's take on hearing this: even without romantic interest in Steve, she felt protective — "You don't want a foreigner to be taken advantage of"
- Steve panicked, called Diana from his hotel room, gave her his credit card details to book a flight out of Cebu (despite barely knowing her), and snuck out the next morning — "I felt like James Bond sneaking out"
- He texted the woman rather than telling her in person: "It's awful, I know"
- They randomly bumped into the same woman a year later in Boracay — Diana stiffened immediately
Filipina intuition / interrogation instinct
- Diana explains a universal Filipina trait: "When we ask you questions, we already know the answer — we're asking to see if you'll lie"
- "It's in our DNA — we spy. Men fall for it every time"
- Steve's takeaway: "If your wife asks you a question, think twice about why she's asking — we're walking into a trap basically"
Family dynamics — both sides
- Diana's brothers: when she first brought Steve home, all brothers fled the house — hadn't even met him, partly due to Diana's history with the American fiancé
- Only one brother showed up initially, plus her mom
- Over time they came around completely — now they can't get enough of Steve; she hears booming laughter when Steve is with her brothers
- The engineer brother (head of family since their father died young) did "the interrogation"
- When they got engaged, two brothers actually warned Steve: "Maybe you want to think — she's not the easiest"
- Even Diana's mom said "Sold!" with a hint of "good luck"
- Steve's side: his daughter found it difficult because Diana is only 5 years older than her, and there's an association with the Philippines and the divorce (even though Diana wasn't the cause)
- Diana says she'd feel the same — "If my dad married someone five years older than me, I would never talk to him"
- Both of Steve's parents (separated) independently loved Diana; Steve's father passed away but had been very close to her
Diana's backstory
- Born in Makati (Manila) — "not in the posh area, in Guadalupe"
- Her biological father died in a freak accident in 1993 when she was 3; he was only 29, her mother 28
- Mother feared they'd end up destitute on the streets of Manila, so moved the four children back to Leyte (the province) where they could rely on family
- Grew up in difficult circumstances — this shaped all the siblings' views on having children
The American ex-fiancé sabotage attempt
- Diana's American ex-fiancé hit Steve up on Facebook with an enormous message warning him about Diana — every shortcoming, every reason to be wary
- Critical detail: because of the Walk of Shame, there was nothing in that message Steve didn't already know
- Steve also considered the source: the American had multiple Filipino girlfriends, introduced his own ex to Diana on her second night in the States, and Diana found the ex's photos in drawers in the room she was staying in
- Steve's response to the ex: "Thanks for the message. I know. We'll live a happy life"
- Steve admits: had he gotten that message without already knowing everything, he probably would have ended the relationship — "It would have been too much out of the blue in the early days"
Diana's time in America (the fiancé story)
- Flew to America; on the second night, it was the fiancé's youngest daughter's birthday
- The ex-wife showed up with a friend, "checking the new arrival" and making fun of Diana
- In another room, Diana found a box full of pictures, letters, and cards from the ex — read them all painfully
- Spent only 5 days in America, then left
Financial dynamics — no family pressure
- Steve is NOT expected to support Diana's family financially
- Her engineer brother is self-sufficient (works on Japanese boats, lectures at college, bought his own house)
- Younger brother is in IT/software, also independent
- Steve has voluntarily made loans — all repaid: he lent the youngest brother money for a house at better rates than Philippine banks (avoiding 10% interest); brother has repaid monthly for 3 years
- "Nobody has ever come to me for a handout — nobody actually asked me for the loans, I suggested it"
- When they got married, Diana's engineer brother sat Steve down with a pile of cash: "How much do we owe you?" and joked "no refunds"
Living in the UK
- Diana came on a spouse visa, not a work visa — had to take nursing exams on her own to practice in the UK
- Used Steve as her BLS (Basic Life Support) practice dummy — "I'm good at being a dummy"
- Pea notes the absurdity that in the Philippines, new nurses often pay hospitals to get experience
- The spouse visa took only 2 weeks (Diana had already had 3 visit visas to the UK)
- Full citizenship process took about 5 years of living in the UK; because she's married to a Brit, she could apply for citizenship right after getting indefinite leave to remain
- They're launching a nurse agency together
- Bought a beach house in the Philippines — plan to spend January-March there to escape UK winters
Why Steve wasn't intimidated by a successful, well-traveled Filipina
- "I would have got very quickly bored with someone that just doted on me and wanted to stay at home — and I probably would have abused that"
- Admired Diana's many facets: qualified diver, traveled all over the Philippines, had the guts to work in Egypt and return after the revolution
- "I don't want somebody who's just gonna dote on me in the house and cook"
No children — by mutual choice
- Steve was upfront early: at his age (21 years older), he didn't want to be "a 63-year-old granddad picking up my kid from school"
- Diana's position is unusual for a Filipina: none of her brothers have kids
- Explanation rooted in their difficult childhood — widowed mother at 28 with four children in poverty
- Their standard: "You've got to be financially, emotionally, physically stable — we don't want to bear a child for the sake of it or as a retirement plan"
- Diana's philosophy: "A perfect parent should sacrifice everything — you will lose yourself, and I'm afraid I'm not ready to do that"
- First year was rocky with "massive fights and a lot of jealousy bouncing about" — but they stuck with it
Challenging stereotypes
- Pea's channel motivation: she started the channel partly because viewers were "amazed that there's a Filipina that can hold a conversation"
- Diana calls Pea "eloquent and articulate — not your typical province Filipina"
- Steve pushes back on the "caricature" from both sides: "The fat old retired guy picking up an 18-year-old skinny province girl" and "all foreigners are broken rejects"
- Reality: more normal business interactions between the UK and Philippines are creating organic relationships
- Steve still gets "internet bride" comments and suspicious looks — "It's like 'why are you swimming in my pool?'"
- Both agree: there are quality people on both sides, and stereotyping helps no one