8 WAYS TO ANNOY A FOREIGNER - Use At Your Own Risk! (COMEDY)

Pea takes a comedic break from heavy topics to present eight tried-and-true ways a Filipina can drive her foreign partner insane. Each "technique" is rooted in a genuine cultural difference that causes real friction in Filipino-foreigner relationships, and Pea pokes fun at her own culture throughout, acknowledging these habits can be both maddening and charming.

Pennywise, Pound Foolish — refuse to spend money on your own needs while splurging on family ​

• Hold your jaw and moan from a toothache, but when your foreigner insists you see a dentist, say it's okay and you'd rather save the money
• Then turn around and buy your mom a six-pack of Red Horse and lottery tickets with your leftover paycheck, plus help your dad buy a rooster for an upcoming cockfight
• Once he calms down enough to lecture you about priorities, mention that your little brother needs braces

Something Fishy — the dried fish biological weapon ​

• Pea lays out a meticulous six-step process for maximum impact:
  • Step 1: Wait until your foreigner is napping, then buy a large quantity of tuyo (dried fish) from the wet market
  • Step 2: Close all outer windows and doors to restrict airflow; keep the bedroom door shut to avoid premature detection
  • Step 3: After the house air is warm and still, open each bag to let the gas mix with the breathable air
  • Step 4: Lay the fish on plates to increase exposed surface area and "maximize the stink coefficient"
  • Step 5: Slowly fry each fish, then let the cooked fish sit until the air is "fully saturated"
  • Step 6: Open the bedroom door, gently wake him, and with the most innocent look say you've cooked something special he'll never forget
• Pea cites a supposed "2016 experiment" where foreigners preferred the smell of steaming cow manure over dried fish 86% of the time
• While he's gagging, explain how the odor makes your mouth water and jam a chunk of scales and bones into your mouth, crunching loudly
• Critical: never admit you did it on purpose, or he may retaliate with "something called burger cheese" — Pea notes Westerners have their own arsenal of culinary weapons
• Warning: dried fish smell has "a half-life of six months" and will render the dwelling uninhabitable — "stink wisely, my friends"

The Paper Chase — replace the toilet paper with a traditional Filipino bucket-and-scooper system ​

• For the uninitiated, Pea explains: the job of the paper is now filled by your hands plus water from a bucket
• Foreigners won't be enthusiastic since it "requires getting your hands dirty"
• The secret weapon: use the foreigner's cultural sensitivity training against him by saying "Is your culture better than mine?" and insisting on doing it the Filipino way
• He probably won't like it, "but in no time at all you can teach your foreigner to scoop the poop"

Odd Man Out — switch languages during conversations to exclude your foreigner ​

• When hanging out with Filipino friends, use English for all the boring topics, then switch to a local dialect for the juicy stuff
• His radar will pick up the tonal shift and he'll try to pick out the few Filipino words he thinks he knows
• Specific example: discuss "John the boring neighbor" in English, but when it comes to "Brad the cute new expat," switch to the local language — "I bumped into that guy Brad yesterday and the very first thing he said was 'Hi guapa, vasana'"
• When he asks later what you were talking about, just say you forgot but keep giggling for no reason for several hours
• Pea quips: "If Hillary can bleach her memory, why can't you?"

The Rice Maneuver — beg to go to a nice Western restaurant, then just order plain white rice ​

• Spend half an hour looking at the menu with great interest, asking questions like "What's filet mignon?" and "Do you think I'd like brussels sprouts?"
• When the waitress arrives, order a bowl of plain white rice — no soy sauce, no shrimp paste, nothing
• With every bite, exclaim how amazing it is, and comment how the white rice at this place is so much better than the white rice at the last place
• When he asks for the 10th time what the difference could possibly be, just say: "If you were Filipino, you wouldn't have to ask"

Filipino Time — exploit the cultural difference around punctuality ​

• An hour before a party's scheduled start time, just sit there daydreaming while your foreigner gets visibly anxious about being late
• Explain calmly that if you arrived now, you'd be the only ones there
• Then cycle through a series of delays: pull out outfit after outfit finding fault with each one, sit in front of the mirror making zero progress, realize you've misplaced your phone, then misplace your handbag
• Measure how long it takes before he "explodes in a rant about what a stupid culture it is where people agree on a time that no one intends to abide by"
• The twist: for an "I told you so" moment, actually follow his advice and hurry — then arrive to find you're the only ones there
• Advanced move: while waiting for others to show up, stick him next to the elderly hostess with "uncontrollable flatulence and a gift for telling long-winded stories" — he'll never complain about arriving late again

She Said What — scramble all pronouns to make your stories incomprehensible ​

• Pea explains that Filipinos frequently mix up "he" and "she" pronouns, which drives foreigners crazy because they can't follow the story
• Also: never use people's actual names, because specificity makes stories too easy to follow
• Her example: the real story is "Your friend Mark gave your other friend Maria a ride to the store. He lent her some money so she could buy her dad a birthday present, and she promised to pay Mark back."
• The Filipino retelling: "She gave her a ride to the store and she lent him some money so that she could buy her a birthday present but he promised she'd pay her back"
• When he looks confused, pretend you don't understand his problem and say "any Filipino would get it, so why can't you?"

Would You Like Tape With That — the impenetrable Filipino food delivery packaging ​

• Pea describes Filipino takeout as being "protected more than a Filipino child on a motorbike in heavy traffic"

• Boxes are taped completely shut, then tied with cord that "requires a hacksaw and a blowtorch to remove"

• Drinks aren't just capped — they're vacuum-sealed with plastic you either try to peel off (getting sticky soda everywhere) or pierce with a straw that's never included in the bag

• The technique: just order delivery, but hide the scissors first — and watch the hungry foreigner struggle

• Pea closes by saying she's actually poking fun at her own culture, which she acknowledges can sometimes be difficult for foreigners to deal with but also funny and charming

Bonus segment (serious): Pea notes that the US dollar hit an all-time high exchange rate of 57.31 pesos, up from about 48 pesos just a few years earlier — roughly a 20% increase ​

• Good news for people converting dollars to pesos; bad news for people buying Western imports in the Philippines, which are now significantly more expensive
• She recommends it might be a good time to buy pesos if you need them

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