NUDITY IN THE PHILIPPINES & Other Questions Answered!

Pea opens the mailbag for another Q&A episode, tackling three viewer problems: a Swedish man whose girlfriend keeps pawning everything he gives her, a Canadian man chasing a woman who repeatedly ghosts and un-ghosts him, and an American man in Bacolod whose Filipina girlfriend has a casual relationship with nudity that seems wildly out of step with Filipino culture.

Email #1: Alan C. from Ängelholm, Sweden — "My girlfriend keeps pawning everything I give her" ​

• Alan's girlfriend lives in Manila with her mother and has a tough time
• He sent her money to buy a clothes washer; the money went to "something else" and no washer appeared
• So he bought the washer himself and had it shipped to her house
• She took a photo, said thanks — then one week later on video call, the washer was gone
• She pawned it, and the amount she got made him sick
• She also pawned the tools he left at her place during a visit; said she'd get them back from the pawn shop but never did
• He tells her she wastes money but "she doesn't understand" and just says she needed to pawn it
• Pea's response:
  • Doesn't call it "normal" but says it's "not uncommon"
  • Many Filipinos don't understand money — how to make it, spend it wisely, or save it; they only have experience with spending
  • When cash is needed (which is almost all the time), anything in the house that isn't absolutely essential goes to the pawn shop
  • They only get a fraction of the item's worth, and if they don't reclaim it within a couple months, it's gone for good
  • Given how Filipinos handle money, items almost always stay at the pawn shop permanently
  • The mindset: "any peso is a good peso" — they don't consider what a bad deal they're getting
  • Pea's advice: Give the girlfriend one last chance to go to the pawn shop and retrieve the washer. Tell her if she ever pawns anything again, he'll never send another peso. Stop sending money or trying to improve her life remotely until they're together in person, at which point he'll have to handle all the finances himself
  • Alternative: "Nuke the relationship before it gets any farther" — but that's his call

Email #2: Thomas Xi from Chilliwack, Canada — "She keeps breaking up and coming back" ​

• Met a woman online about two years ago; things were good for the first few months
• They said they were engaged; he told her he'd visit as soon as the Philippines reopened post-COVID
• Without warning, she said she wanted to break up because "it was taking too long" and stopped talking to him
• After a few weeks of pain, he accepted it and was ready to move on
• She wrote back, said sorry, wanted to try again — "boom, it was like nothing happened" and he was happy again
• They stayed together for almost a year, but a few months before his planned trip she did the exact same thing — called off the engagement again
• Said she "needed to think about things"; now she won't respond to his messages and hasn't been heard from since August
• He already has plane tickets and still loves her
• Asks: should he keep trying or cancel the trip?
• Pea's response — direct and blunt:
  • "The first thing you have to realize is that you were never really engaged to this woman — if she was even a woman"
  • They never met in person, so he can't even be sure who he was talking to — "just a person you were chatting with, that's all"
  • He spent almost two years chasing a ghost
  • When she disappeared the first time, he should have ended it permanently
  • Pea's best guess at what was happening: "you're part of a rotation and she was just spinning a bunch of plates"
  • When she cut him off, she was probably grooming a new prospect; when that one didn't work out, she went "back to the stable" to try Thomas again
  • But the key advice is forward-looking: Don't contact the woman again, but also DON'T cancel the trip
  • "A couple of weeks in the Philippines will be just what Dr. P ordered"
  • He already has the tickets and the time off — just come, forget her, and he'll almost certainly find someone new
  • "Be like Nike and just do it"
  • Ends with a cheeky double entendre: he'll find someone to "fill in all his blanks" and maybe he can "fill in all her blanks too"

Email #3: Joseph D. from Bacolod, Philippines — "My girlfriend walks around naked and I need to know if that's normal" ​

• Joseph lives in the Philippines and his Filipina girlfriend still lives at home with two brothers (one younger, one older)
• At his apartment, everything is normal
• At her family's house, her behavior changes dramatically:
  • Constantly running around in a towel — which doesn't seem strange by itself
  • But sometimes wraps the towel low around her waist and walks around topless, even when her brothers are home
  • The family showers outdoors using the bucket system; on one side there's only a low wall separating the yard from a field where people walk
  • She showers completely naked in full view of anyone going outside or walking through the field — "puts on quite a show"
• He says he's not a prude, but in the U.S. you don't walk around naked in front of family, and wants to know: is this normal Filipino behavior?
• Pea's response:
  • "Your girlfriend is weird"
  • Filipinos are very conservative about nudity despite being "the biggest consumers of porn on the planet"
  • Nudity is kept on-screen, not in real life — and definitely not where family can see
  • Most Filipinas won't even wear a bikini
  • Nudity is almost synonymous with sex in Filipino culture
  • Two cultural exceptions to the nudity taboo:
    • Breastfeeding in public: totally normal, women will pull out a breast on a jeepney to feed a baby; it's considered impolite to stare
    • Middle-aged women going braless: especially in the provinces, once women are married with kids, they become "lotion" (a term meaning they no longer care about their appearance) and the bra is the first thing to go — even under thin or revealing tops
  • Outside of those two exceptions, Filipinos are uptight about nudity
  • Joseph's girlfriend's behavior is "definitely outside the norm"
  • Possible explanations: she feels more relaxed at home, was raised that way, or she's an exhibitionist who likes flashing people
  • Pea's final take: "Pretty strange, but it's not the end of the world. At least she's not a serial killer — or even worse, a feminist"
  • Advice: "Just relax and enjoy the view"

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