FILIPINAS DON'T KNOW HOW TO KISS? This And Other Mysteries Revealed!

Pea dips into her mailbag for a grab-bag of non-relationship questions: how to help a Filipina's family start a business without going broke, why Filipinas generally don't know how to French kiss, why Filipino schools teach in English instead of Tagalog, and — with a live phone call to her mom — the bizarre Filipino superstition that peeing near a big tree can get a little girl pregnant by fairies.

Helping a Filipina's family start a business (question from Devin, Australia) ​

• Devin's fiancée lives in Bohol; her family isn't as demanding as some but constantly needs money, and the duty has fallen on his fiancée to provide
• His idea: start a family business so they can earn their own money and stop relying on him
• Pea's blunt bad news: most Filipinos have no idea how money or business works
  • She compares it to singing — Filipinos seem born knowing how to sing, while Westerners seem born knowing how to make money; Filipinos simply don't have that talent
  • Even if you build a profitable business from scratch and hand it to the family, there's a very good chance it fails within a few months
  • The most common failure mode: spending all the operating capital instead of replacing inventory — "sounds like something a five-year-old would know not to do but it happens all the time"
  • Second failure mode: giving instant credit to anyone who asks — friends, neighbors, family — the "I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today" problem
  • She's heard from literally hundreds of frustrated men who started businesses for a Filipina's family only to watch them fail through mismanagement
• Pea's good news and practical advice: start small with a modest investment you can afford to lose
  • Recommends a roadside food stand selling grilled chicken or pork
  • Startup cost: approximately $400 USD for the stand, stainless steel serving trays, and initial food inventory
  • Business permit is only about 200 pesos (~$4) from the barangay; no health department inspections
  • They can cook in their own kitchen and put the stand by the road in front of their house
  • It sounds like a kid's lemonade stand, but these are everywhere in the Philippines and they make money
  • The trick is Filipinos can never seem to come up with the $400 in capital — that's where the foreigner's investment meets their labor
  • If they show initiative and break even, invest a little more — buy stools for customers, a big umbrella for shade
  • Let the fiancée take the lead until it's established; keep an eye on things from time to time
  • Worst case: you lose a few hundred bucks, which is nothing compared to what you gain

Why Filipinas don't know how to French kiss (question from Perry G., New Zealand) ​

• Perry confirms Pea's previous claim: two Filipinas he dated both reacted to his tongue "as if it was an unwelcome visitor in their mouths"
• He notes it wasn't shyness — the rest of the evening's activities were "more than adequate"
• Perry also confirms Pea's earlier claim that "Filipinas like to hold the lumber while you slumber" (holding the penis while sleeping)
• Pea's explanation: Filipinos generally don't use tongues during foreplay or any sexual play
  • Filipino sex is more "insert tab A into slot B" — more comfortable with an IKEA manual than the Kama Sutra
  • "Western guys assume that everyone knows how to French kiss but apparently the French told everyone except the Filipinos"
  • Pea's advice: don't assume your Filipina is defective or broken; it's just something many have never been exposed to
  • Be gentle and teach — don't confuse inexperience with a lack of willingness to learn

Why are Filipino schools taught in English? (question from Matts T., Norway) ​

• Not just college — the vast majority of courses from elementary through high school are taught in English
• Pea's surprising reason: it's nearly impossible to teach subjects like math, biology, or physics in Tagalog
  • Tagalog isn't efficient enough — it uses too many words to say the same thing
  • Explaining a concept like "percentage" would take forever in Tagalog when a perfectly good English word already exists
  • Western science and medicine already have specialized terms, so it's easier to just use English in the education system
• Practical benefit: many Filipinos enter nursing in the West, so learning English and English medical terms early is advantageous
• Pea frames it as borrowing: English borrows from Latin and Greek for STEM terms; Filipino just borrows from English in the same way

Pea's mom explains Filipino flower-throwing superstition (live phone call) ​

• Background: In a previous interview with a woman named Glenda, Pea mentioned that when she got her first period at 12, her mom chased her around the house throwing flowers at her
• Viewers asked why, and Pea didn't know herself — so she calls her mom on the phone
• Mom's explanation: she was throwing red flowers so that Pea's lips would stay red despite the loss of blood from menstruation
• Pea's reaction: "Which lips are we talking about, Mom? Because all of mine stayed round, so I guess it didn't work"
• Second superstition discussed: Pea's mom never wanted her to pee outside near big trees as a child, claiming she might get pregnant
  • Mom's explanation: fairies living in big trees can impregnate little girls who pee near them
  • Pea's comeback: "I know fairies have really small equipment, Mom, but don't you think I'd feel something? Is that how you got pregnant with me? Was my dad actually a fairy?"

Outro comedy skit: a tech support call about a malfunctioning "Filipina bot" ​

• The IT department walks through common "features" of the Filipina model: temper routine activates when you look at another female bot, silent shutdown for hours, cash-stealing subroutine that's "hardwired into the newer models"
• Suggests trading in for a Western model — the "Karen 2023" is so cheap "they're practically giving it away"

📺 Watch the full video on YouTube

🔔 Subscribe to The Filipina Pea