📅 2023-10-31 | ⏱️ 15:05 | 👁️ 518.8K views | 👍 16.8K likes | 💬 2.4K comments
Pea returns with a mailbag episode tackling three viewer questions: a man whose relationship is being destroyed by his girlfriend's kids sleeping in the bed and running the household, a man worried his sister-in-law is developing a crush after his wife encouraged him to boost her self-esteem, and a man wondering why almost no Filipina he's dated is interested in oral sex. Pea also posts a Starlink follow-up with real speed test results.
Email #1: Philip T from Davao — Kids in the bed and zero boundaries
- Philip has been dating a single mom with two kids (ages 7 and 9) for almost a year
- Everything was great until he moved into her place 2 months ago to save money and be closer — his life "changed for the worst"
- The kids do nothing but sit in front of screens with phones and tablets, or cling to their mother 24/7 — he can barely get a word in
- No discipline, kids eat junk food whenever they want, no real friends or life of their own
- The worst part: the 9-year-old sleeps in their bed almost every night, and both kids open the bedroom door without knocking
- His girlfriend acts like all of this is completely normal — it's "killed her ability to function as a happy couple"
- Whenever he tries to make suggestions or correct the kids, he gets "an icy glare and a cold shoulder"
- He describes himself as "the warden of an insane asylum" worried about becoming an inmate
- Pea's response:
- "Welcome to the Philippines" — this is culturally normal, not abnormal
- Filipino kids are far less independent than Western kids; the epidemic of kids slumped over screens is sad but widespread
- As a boyfriend who just moved in 2 months ago, he has limited authority — kids see him as "mom's boyfriend," not a father figure
- Kids sleeping with parents is common in the Philippines — kids aren't discouraged from this until "double digits," which wrecks intimacy and privacy
- Three options if he's not ready to leave:
- Move back out and return to the pre-cohabitation arrangement — keep dating but don't live together (possibly until the kids are grown, which she jokes could be "their 30s or 40s")
- Sit her down and issue an ultimatum — make a list of unacceptable things (no knocking, sleeping in the bed), explain that she's not considering his feelings, culture, or expectations, and insist it's supposed to be a partnership
- If she refuses or gives the "cold shoulder tempo routine," walk away knowing he did everything he could
- "Don't ever let anyone use emotional blackmail on you because that'll be just the tip of the iceberg"
Email #2: Julian B from Cebu — Sister-in-law getting too touchy
- Julian is happily married to a Filipina; the problem is with her older sister
- When they married, his wife explained her sister was shy, withdrawn, and had never had a boyfriend
- Wife encouraged Julian to befriend the sister — pay compliments, boost her self-esteem, bring her out of her shell
- He did: complimented her cooking, told her she looked pretty when she got her hair done, let her practice driving with him in the passenger seat
- Wife noticed the sister brightening up and encouraged him to continue
- Now the sister has escalated: brushing her hand across his back/shoulders when walking past, touching his arm when bringing drinks, hugging him when he says goodbye, and kissing him on the neck beneath his ear
- All of this happens in full view of his wife, who doesn't seem to notice anything odd
- Julian doesn't want to "drop a nuke on family harmony"
- Pea's response:
- Since the sister does all this openly in front of the wife and doesn't try to hide anything, it's reasonable to assume neither woman thinks anything inappropriate is happening
- If they weren't already happily married, Pea might suspect a "shy test" of fidelity — but she doesn't smell a trap here
- The sister likely just developed warm feelings and doesn't know the appropriate way to express them
- Advice: gradually reduce the compliments and personal attention — not so much that she feels rejected, but enough to stop escalation
- Do NOT involve the wife yet — "once you open a can of worms, Filipinas have a way of blowing things out of proportion and starting wars that never end"
- If the flirtation continues escalating despite pulling back, then bring the wife in
Email #3: Scott P from California — Why won't Filipinas do oral?
- Scott has been in the Philippines for a couple of years and dated many Filipinas — they all share the same issue
- He's found a woman he wants to settle down with, but she has the same problem: she doesn't enjoy giving or receiving oral sex, and seems repulsed or confused when he suggests it
- Pea heavily censors the language (using euphemisms like "giving a Bill Clinton," "lip service," "going downstairs for breakfast," "playing the flute," "adult happy meal," "munching on a carrot," etc.)
- Pea's response:
- Not ALL Filipinas are opposed — she's positive many enjoy it — but the average Filipina hasn't added this to her "regular diet"
- Reasons: some think it's dirty, some think it's abnormal, many simply have no experience
- Key cultural insight: Filipinas are not particularly adventurous, and when they don't know how to do something, their natural reaction is just not to try
- Practical advice: focus on giving first, not receiving — don't force anything she's uncomfortable with
- It's easier for her to let him perform on her than to muster courage to reciprocate
- If she enjoys receiving, she may eventually become "more amenable to return the favor"
- Critical: avoid putting pressure on a Filipina — "we get flustered easily and we're always worried about doing something wrong, so just let us take our own sweet time getting there"
Starlink update (appended to the end of the episode)
- One week after installation, Starlink is still working fine
- Average download speed: 130 Mbps, upload speed: 18 Mbps
- Hasn't had stormy weather yet to test signal impact
- Only issue: power outages knock out Starlink — she's working on a backup power solution
- Attempted to buy a UPS but the store thought she meant the shipping company ("We don't have that here, just FedEx"); asked for a Blue Yeti and got a stuffed animal; asked about a Jackery kit and they tried to sell her lotion and tissues