Is His Filipina Trying To Kill Him? A Foreigner Asks For Help

Pea tackles three viewer emails in this mailbag episode: a man baffled by his girlfriend's compulsive photo-taking, a guy debating whether to find a Filipina online before visiting the Philippines, and a husband in Iloilo who discovers his wife has been systematically sabotaging his diet. Pea's answers blend cultural explanation with blunt practical advice, particularly her warning against the "instant girlfriend" trap and her surprisingly sympathetic read on the diet-sabotaging wife.

Jason T. (General Santos) — Why does my Filipina take thousands of photos of everything? ​

• Jason describes his girlfriend photographing every mundane thing — 100 variations of herself in a doorway, endless group shots with tiny rearrangements, even the parking spot they parked in
• Her phone ran out of memory from thousands of photos; when he suggested deleting duplicates, she had "an almost violent reaction"
• Pea says she personally hates having photos taken and only does it for work thumbnails, but she knows exactly why Filipinas do this
• It's a form of bragging: a photo of a hamburger isn't about the food — it represents an experience they don't get to do often, like eating out. If you took her to an amusement park, she'd spend more time photographing than riding rides
• Photos go straight to Facebook — not just to share but to show off: "Look what I got to do"
• Filipinos spend more time on social media than anyone else in the world, so they collect photos to post; they'll even repost old photos later and make it look like something new
• Why she won't delete: same reason Filipinos collect empty pens, bottles, and jars — "you just never know when you'll need them." Trying to get a Filipino to part with a photo is "like trying to pry a gold coin away from a leprechaun"
• Pea's advice: don't fight this battle — for her birthday, buy her extra cloud storage and make sure to take lots of pictures of the cake

Jeremy H. (Vancouver, Canada) — Should I talk to Filipinas online before visiting? ​

• Jeremy wants to start chatting with Filipinas before his trip, reasoning he'd already have someone to meet when he arrives
• Pea says this is the most common approach guys take, and she doesn't oppose dating sites as a concept, but paying for a membership to chat with Filipinas is "like paying for a picture of a snowflake right before you hop on a plane to the North Pole"
• The "instant girlfriend" trap — Pea walks through exactly how it happens:
  • You post a profile, get ~200 responses in 24 hours (the opposite of what happens in the West)
  • 90% are disqualified: married, too young, too old, barely speak English, or just want money
  • You whittle it to 20, then to 5, telling yourself you'll keep options open
  • But you develop a favorite, and she makes sure you don't talk to anyone else by bombarding you with texts, photos, and video chats
  • Before your flight lands, you wake up one morning and realize "you've got a girlfriend — how did that happen?"
  • She meets you at the airport, spends every second with you, introduces you to family and friends — "but the one thing you won't meet is any single Filipinas"
  • After days of "the best sex you ever had, which has a way of putting the brain to sleep and letting a different head do the thinking," you're talking marriage and sending monthly support
• The risk: if the woman you invested months in isn't who you thought she was in person, or there's no chemistry, you're stuck with no other options lined up
• Pea's recommended approach: wait until you're actually in the Philippines to start meeting women. You don't need to know anyone beforehand — guys do it every day. You'll meet women at the mall, on the street, in restaurants, and Filipinos will try to hook you up with single relatives
• If you still have trouble, then go on dating sites — but being on the ground lets you meet women almost instantly instead of chatting at 3 AM
• "Having an instant girlfriend might be convenient, but just like instant coffee, it might not be the most satisfying"

Scott P. (Iloilo) — Is my wife trying to kill me? ​

• Scott (late 50s) married to a Filipina (late 30s) for three years; always took care of himself and looked younger than his age
• About a year ago, he started gaining weight and having severe stomach problems despite watching his diet
• Doctor found only high cholesterol and sodium — nothing explaining the stomach pain
• The discovery: one evening he caught his wife pouring a big tablespoon of white powder into his coffee. She claimed they were out of artificial sweetener and she'd substituted sugar — but he pulled the box of Equal right out of the cupboard
• He started monitoring the kitchen and found:
  • She was frying his eggs in an inch of oil instead of Pam spray
  • Fat-free salad dressing replaced with full-fat
  • Low-fat milk replaced with whole milk
  • Multiple other substitutions throughout the kitchen
• He confronted her; she claimed she'd "just gotten lazy with the food"
• He doesn't believe her because: (1) she watched him go to the doctor about weight gain and did nothing, and (2) he'll "never forget that guilty look on her face" when he caught her with the sugar
• After he replaced all the bad products and started monitoring the kitchen, he lost weight and his stomach pain subsided
• He half-jokingly told her he doesn't have a life insurance policy and is "worth more alive than dead"
• Pea's diagnosis — insecurity, not murder:
  • "No, I don't think she was trying to kill you — there are much more efficient ways than that"
  • In Filipino culture, if a married person tries to look good by working out or watching their weight, their partner may become insecure and assume they're preparing to cheat — "because why else would they care how they look? They're married"
  • She was trying to fatten him up so he wouldn't look attractive to other women
  • He said he looked much younger than his age and went to the gym — she may be worried he'll leave when "she hits the wall" as she approaches 40
  • In Western culture, couples want to stay in shape to look attractive for each other; in Filipino culture, "the sad fact is that the opposite is often true"
• Why she won't admit it: "In case you haven't noticed, Filipinos aren't very good at discussing emotions, and trying to get us to confess to doing something wrong is an exercise in futility"
• Pea acknowledges what she did was "definitely shady and potentially even life-threatening" but believes it was insecurity rather than malice
• Advice: keep trying to communicate with her

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