Is Your Filipina Girlfriend Hiding Something - Right Under Your Nose?

Pea's Mailbag Friday tackles three viewer emails: a Canadian man baffled by Filipino English and restaurant etiquette in Davao, a Minnesotan confused about door-holding culture, and a man living in Metro Manila who suspects his girlfriend and her female roommate are romantically involved under his own roof. Pea breaks down the cultural context behind each situation, including the critical detail that Philippine restaurants dock employees' pay when food is sent back.

Email #1: Raymond from Western Canada — language barriers and restaurant etiquette in Davao ​

• Raymond met a woman online and flew to Davao to spend time with her; they get along but communication is a struggle
• His specific complaints: she swaps "he" and "she" constantly, tells stories in present tense regardless of when they happened, and by the end of any story he has no idea what she's talking about
• When he asks for clarification, she gets frustrated and goes into "tampo" (the silent treatment)
• Restaurant incident: his chicken was so dry it was inedible, and when he said he'd send it back, his girlfriend panicked, then got angry, then went silent again
• He references Pea's previous advice about foreigners not complaining, wondering if he broke a cultural rule
• Pea's response on the language issues:
  • Filipino/Tagalog doesn't have separate words for "he" and "she" — it's all one pronoun, so Filipinos constantly mix them up in English
  • Filipino also doesn't use past tense the same way, making it impossible for foreigners to know when something happened
  • Pea acknowledges this sounds like "a big old mess" but says Filipinos somehow keep it straight among themselves
  • The tampo (silent treatment) when asked to repeat herself likely stems from embarrassment — Filipinos often drop out of conversations entirely rather than risk sounding silly or having a thick accent
  • Pea reveals she edits out long silences in her own interview footage when guests can't find the right English word and go quiet
  • Her advice: remind the girlfriend how amazed you are that she's learned English, which is genuinely difficult to master — she'll gradually feel more comfortable
• Pea's response on the restaurant incident:
  • Corrects Raymond's characterization: she never said foreigners shouldn't complain — she said to avoid getting loud or making a scene because foreigners can be physically intimidating (sometimes twice the size of Filipinos, red-faced and shouting)
  • The real reason the girlfriend panicked: in the Philippines, when food gets sent back, the cost is deducted from the employees' paycheck
  • If a cook makes $10 a day and you send back a $15 meal, that employee is now in the hole
  • This is why Filipinos often let bad orders slide — they're protecting the staff
  • The girlfriend's mistake was going defensive and moody instead of simply explaining this cultural difference and letting Raymond decide

Email #2: Parker from Minnesota — door-holding etiquette ​

• Parker noticed Filipino men almost never hold doors open for women — they walk right through like the woman isn't there
• The only courtesy he observed was a man giving up his bus seat for an elderly woman
• Pea's response:
  • Western culture has a chivalry tradition (coat over the mud puddle); Filipino culture "never went down that muddy road"
  • In the Philippines, courtesy is based on need, not gender — you help elderly people, pregnant women, or anyone who needs assistance, regardless of whether they're male or female
  • No one holds doors specifically because the next person is a woman
  • Fun fact: the Philippines had female combat troops in 1993, a full 20 years before the US
  • Pea's joke: "I don't know if a tiny little Filipina could actually intimidate the enemy, but at least we look really cute when we go commando. I mean, dress like a commando."
  • Advice: just do what feels natural — no one will be offended if you don't hold a door, but if you do, you'll probably get a smile and a thank you

Email #3: Forest from Metro Manila — is his girlfriend secretly involved with her female roommate? ​

• Forest met Christina, a receptionist at his attorney's office; they dated for two months and things went well
• He asked her to move in (admits this goes against Pea's advice about rushing)
• The complication: Christina had a roommate named Maria in a tiny apartment (just a countertop, sink, couch against a wall, and a bedroom barely big enough for a mattress), and Maria couldn't afford rent alone
• Forest offered to let both women move in — acknowledges this was "even more stupid"
• First few weeks were fine; Maria turned out to be a decent cook
• The suspicious behaviors Forest noticed:
  • On the couch watching TV, the two women constantly touch — arms around each other, legs on each other's laps
  • They kiss on the lips when saying goodnight (not lingering, just a quick kiss)
  • The shower incident: Forest got out of his shower and found both women had taken a shower together in the other bathroom — they emerged with wet hair wearing only towels, acting like nothing was wrong; Christina explained they were in a hurry so they just jumped in together
  • The caught-in-the-act moment: Forest walked into the bedroom and found them standing very close together by the window; when he appeared, they "quickly stepped away from each other like kids getting caught with their hands in the cookie jar" — the room went silent and they both looked startled
• Forest says it's not that the idea turns him off — "we might be able to work something out if only she'd admit it" — but the sneakiness and feeling like "an old idiot getting used" is what bothers him
• Pea's response — rating each behavior on a "Filipina scale" of weirdness:
  • Couch touching: rates it a 1 or 2 — even Filipino boys put their arms around each other in public, and "girls are even worse"; casual same-sex touching is completely normal in Filipino culture
  • Kissing on the lips: rates it a 3 — Filipinos do kiss on the lips casually, but the weirdness score rises significantly if the kiss lasts longer than "a nanosecond"
  • Showering together: this is where it gets interesting — Pea asks "are you sure they were naked?" because Filipinos sometimes shower with their clothes on, especially when someone else is there; she says the answer to whether they were clothed or not determines whether this is "a simple five on the scale or a five alarm fire"
  • The startled moment by the window: Pea says this might actually be the most significant incident despite having no nudity involved — she acknowledges the feeling of catching people looking guilty is real, but since there's no way to know what they were discussing, it's inconclusive
• Pea's final advice to Forest:
  • The total evidence doesn't prove wrongdoing — you could install cameras but "that seems like a different kind of wrongdoing"
  • Have a heart-to-heart: tell Christina the most important thing is having no secrets from each other
  • Tell her you won't judge her for being who she is, but deception and living a double life isn't acceptable
  • If you believe what she says, give her a chance; if you don't, "then it's time to run, Forest, run"
  • Or alternatively: "maybe it's time to live every man's dream"
  • She asks Forest to let her know what happens

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