Pea tours a newly built, British-built house for sale in Dumaguete with her friend Alma, a local real estate agent and broker. The 540-square-meter lot comes with a two-bedroom main house, a guest house, a wading pool, wheelchair-friendly bathrooms and all the furniture, in a quiet gated community. The asking price is 15 million pesos and negotiable, and Pea notes that foreigners can own the house but not the land.
The property at a glance
- Newly built in a barangay of Dumaguete (captioned "Canili") inside a fully fenced, gated community
- Two bedrooms in the main house plus a separate guest house, en-suite bathrooms and a pool
- Fully furnished; everything you see comes with the sale, so a buyer can move right in
- Lot area 540 square meters, floor area 152 square meters; Pea can still smell the paint
The pool area
- A wading pool: bigger than a dipping pool but too small for laps, enough for a party "because Filipinos know how to party"
- Textured, non-slip surfaces
- Pea offers to skinny dip if the neighbors don't mind; Alma begs her not to or she'll be at the barangay hall
- A covered sitting area for bingo or a beer while your family swims; Pea wants a margarita
Why it's quiet
- Open and breezy, which helps at midday when it's hot
- The lot next door is empty (not yet built on) and the neighbors are international, so "no karaoke," which Pea calls perfect
The guest house
- Pea: "If you don't like your in-laws, you can just stick them in the guest house"; it has its own bathroom so they won't need to come into the main house
- Textured tiles and walls, which Pea likes because they aren't the old typical Filipino design and you won't slip
- A bunk bed: if your in-laws fight, one can sleep up top and one below; also good for kids' sleepovers, especially at December birthdays when in-laws bring lots of kids you don't want in the main house
- Wide, wheelchair-accessible bathroom with an open shower that uses a small lip to trap water and a large rectangular drain instead of the usual small round one ("you like it big")
- Strong water pressure. Pea says this is a real selling point because water pressure in the Philippines is often bad, so good pressure is "golden"; Alma adds the area doesn't run out of water
The yard
- Covered in gravel, so there's no lawn to mow; Pea prefers it for low maintenance
- A fruit tree (captioned "kamani") is already bearing fruit, a freebie for buyers
- Buyers can pull up the stones and plant grass if they want
Main house: kitchen and living area
- Shoes come off at the door, the Filipino way
- Open-concept layout; the refrigerator and gas range are included, plus an electric fan
- A window over the kitchen lets you see what the neighbors are up to ("Who's that, oh, new girl?")
- Enough room to add a kitchen island
Bedrooms and bathrooms
- First bedroom has air conditioning (which stays) and a bed; it could be a kids' room for a big family
- Outlets accept both local 220-volt plugs and the 110-volt plugs expats bring, such as Apple chargers; Alma says expats always ask about this, and the British builder designed it that way. Pea counts at least three outlets on one wall
- The bathrooms are built for people with disabilities: wide doors, grab bars, and space for a shower chair
- A bidet next to the toilet; Pea says Philippine homes usually have them and Europeans like them, while American homes don't "because they love their toilet paper"
- There's even an outlet in the bathroom, so Pea suggests plugging in a karaoke machine for a "Pea party in the bathroom"
- Master bedroom with en-suite bath and air conditioning, all brand new and staying; the bathroom has a pull-cord light, which neither of them had seen before
- Everything is textured so there's no risk of slipping ("I slip and I can't get up"); a grab rail helps elderly or wheelchair users
Living room
- Woven rattan furniture bought by the owner and made in the Philippines; Alma says it's strong, heat resistant and "our Filipino pride"
- No TV included; Pea says the wall is "screaming" for a 100-inch TV or even a jumbotron for football Sundays, or rugby for the Europeans
Laundry area
- Space for a washing machine plus a hand-washing area
- Pea: buy your future wife or girlfriend an expensive washing machine so she doesn't ruin her expensive nails hand-washing; or help her with the "sweetness of hand washing" yourself
- The two trade raunchy jokes: Pea claims she doesn't wear underwear because she's frugal and "it breathes"; Alma says she covers everything because she doesn't want to get pregnant again. Pea: "Then don't spread your legs." Alma: "When I drink, that's my problem." Pea admits their brains are always in the gutter together
Carport and expansion options
- The carport is big enough to convert into a third bedroom or a man cave, since there's another parking space too
- Two gates; fits two or two and a half regular cars, or small cars and motorbikes
- Alma says buyers often cover the parking with solar panels for "free electricity every month"
- Or it could become a garden, since wives and girlfriends love having greenery
- Birds and bamboo all around; Pea misses hearing birds instead of trucks and motorcycles in the city
Price and ownership
- Asking price: 15 million pesos "only"
- Everything is negotiable in the Philippines; Alma says buyers can make an offer within their range and meet the owner in the middle
- Pea's pitch: everything is new and built to Western standards, with Western neighbors, but without Western prices; just bring your family and your clothes
- Foreigners can't own land in the Philippines, but they can own the house, and Alma says there are ways to control the land and protect your interest; Pea promises a separate video on that
- Alma's contact info is in the comments and pinned comment
Closing skit
- Pea as a pirate captain helping you navigate Filipino culture and dating to "find your first mate" and "lead you to the booty," threatening to shiver your timbers if you don't subscribe; she's a real pirate because she has "the sunken chest to prove it"
